How can we run Boozed Out without the world’s dirtiest jokes being on here. Here it goes, we hope you contribute to build this list to the fullest.
Q:How do you make a little girl scream twice?
A: When you are done with her wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.
A priest who raised chickens at his church discovered one day that his rooster had been stolen. He was very upset about this, so the following Sunday he called in his entire congregation to find out who the culprit was. The first thing he asked was, “Has anybody seen my Cock?”
A nun, three alter boys, and several men from the village all stood up and answered in the affirmative.
An American, a Russian, an Englishman and a Frenchman are all having drinks in a bar. When they’re done, the Frenchman challenges the others to a pissing contest.
The Russian is first and goes more than a hundred feet. The Englishman is next and goes two hundred feet. Suddenly realizing he’s out of his league, the Frenchman turns to the American, the only one who hasn’t participated. When he asks him why, the American says,
“I may be drunk but I’m an American and I’ll be damned if I have to prove anything to a Frenchman!”
What do you call illegal aliens who walk on hot coals?
Mexican jumping beaners.
What’s the worst thing about fucking a 6-year-old?
Getting the blood out of the clown suit.
Q: Why do black men cry during intercourse?
A: Because of all the pepper spray.
What do you call a black guy in a room full of white people?
The defendant.
How many black men does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but then he steals it from you to sell it for crack money.
What do you call a U-Haul truck in Mexico?
A slow cooker.
Q: What do you hear when you see a black man in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
Q: Why should you never run over a nigger on a bike?
A: Because it might be your bike.
In North Dakota we have a word for so called “native americans.” We call them prairie niggers.
Q: What’s the difference between a prairie nigger and a piece of shit?
A: Shit turns white and eventually stops stinking.
Q: How do you rescue a nigger from drowning?
A: Take your foot off the back of his neck.
Q: What’s long and black and smells like shit?
A: The welfare line.
Q: What’s the same about women and dog turds?
A: The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
A: The dead skunk has skid marks in front of it.
A lonely trucker picks up priest that was thumbing for a ride. They ride along for several hours without saying anything until the trucker thinks that the priest is asleep.
The trucker notices a nigger thumbing for a ride up along the road a little way further up. He thinks to himself, damn I’d like to run over that there nigger, but I don’t know if the father would approve. The trucker thinks about it for a while and comes to the conclusion that he should just pretend to fall asleep at the wheel and run over the guy when the time comes. So the trucker pretends to doze off and swerves towards the nigger just as they pass by.
The trucker hears a thump and pretends to wake up and exclaims to the preacher, “I didn’t just hit him did I? I fell asleep.”
The priest smiles at the trucker and says, “Don’t worry my son, you didn’t hit him, but I caught him with the door!”
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two Jews fighting over a penny.
Q: There’s a nigger and a spic in a car. Who’s driving?
A: The cop.
Q: How many fags does it take to rape a woman?
A: Two. One to hold her down, and another to do her hair.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: What should you do when you get on a bus full of fags?
A: Get off.
Q: What kind of file makes a small hole bigger?
A: A pedophile.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: It should be open by the time she brings it to you.
Q: When should you buy your ho a wristwatch?
A: Never, there’s a clock on the stove.
A Brit, an American, and a Frenchman are driving through a border checkpoint in Europe. The deviant EU beauraucrat sees that their passports are a little shady. The lascivious guard tells the trio that if the total of all their penis lengths equals 20 inches then he will let them pass.
After they pass the checkpoint the Brit said, “Damn I’m sure glad I had those 8 inches.”
Then the American said, “Damn I’m sure glad I had those 10 inches.”
And the Frenchman said, “I’m sure glad I had a hard-on.”
There’s an Englishman, an American, and an Australian, who walk up and sit down at a bar and order a pint of VB each. The bartender delivers their drinks. Right as he does, wouldn’t you know it, three flies come down and each man gets a fly stuck in the head of his beer.
The Englishman says, “I’m not drinking that,” and pushes it away from him. The American takes his beer picks the fly out, scoops out the fly area, and begins to drink. The Aussie reaches down, grabs the fly by the neck, holds him over the glass saying, “Spit it out, you bastard, spit it out!”
What do you call a Mexican whore with no legs?
Cunts-way-low
What do you get when you cross a Mexican, a black man and an Arab?
Something that declares jihad in two languages when it goes on welfare.
Q: What are the 3 biggest lies?
1. Black is beautiful.
2. The check is in the mail.
3. I won’t cum in your mouth.
A nigger, a Mexican, and a cracker find a magic lamp. They all rub it at the same time, and a genie pops out.
The genie says, “I will grant each one of you 1 wish.”
The nigger says, “I wish for me all my black brothers and sisters to be happy and successful, back in Africa.” The genie goes “POOF!, and the black guy disappears.
The spic says “”I wish for all my Mexican brothers and sisters to be happy and successful, back in Mexico.” The genie goes “POOF!,” and the spic disappears.
The genie turns to the white guy, and asks “Well, what is your wish?” The honky responds, “You mean to tell me all the niggers and spics are out of America?” “Well, yes,” says the genie.
A look of relief crosses the white guy’s face instantly, as he happily replies “Well, I’ll have a Coke, then.”
Q. Why did God create the Yeast infection?
A. So women could know what it’s like to live with an irritating cunt too!
A guy with two black eyes getting on a plane goes to take his seat and notices that the guy seated next him also has two black eyes. He says “it’s funny how I got these black eyes. I was talk to the well endowed gate agent out there and got a little tongue tied. I told her that I had two pickets to titsburg”.
The other guy says “ same kind of thing happened to me. I was sitting across the table from my wife at breakfast this morning, and what I was trying to say was pass the wheaties sweety, but what came out of my mouth was you’re ruining my life you fucking bitch!”
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top?” she asked. “That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered. “So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, “Well, we’re not having any of that faggot shit in our garden.”
Why do niggers love basketball so much?
Because of all the running, jumping, shooting, and stealing.
A small charter plane is flying with three passengers, along with the pilot. On board are a boy scout, a priest, and the worlds smartest black man. Suddenly the engines cut out and the pilot announces that he can’t get them restarted. The pilot also tells them that there are only 3 parachutes for the 4 people on board… and he’s taking one of them. He straps one on and jumps out. The black man exclaims “why, I’m the most intelligent person of color in the world… I can’t die here!” He staps in and jumps out. The priest then tells the boy scout “well young man, I think this is the lord calling me home. You take the last parachute.” The boy scout replies “Oh, no sweat father, worlds smartest black guy just jumped out with my backpack.”
Q: Why do all Mexicans go to heaven?
A: Hey, we need someone to clean toilets up there too!
A man Shows up at a brothel.
He goes to the counter and asks the proprietor who’s available.
He is told that; “you can have any one of our luscious ladies, but they all busy with other clients…. So please go to the waiting room just over there, and someone will be with you in a moment..”While in the waiting room he notices 3 tomatoes sitting on an upper shelf on the wall..
thinking only of his stomach, he proceeds to eat one, just as one of the ladies shows up to service his needs…
She Sees the man eating the tomatoe, Screams and runs out!puzzled…( Instead I’ll save you the redundant material – any of you wishing to recant this can reconstruct these identical decductive passages yourself *wink* )
This occurs twice – so three available women have now left….He leaves the Confines of teh Waiting room and seeks the proprietor;
he says what he’s been experiencing while he’s eaing these tomatoes on the shelf…Frustrated with the client the proprietor says:
“Those Weren’t tomatoes…. Those were last week’s abortions…”
Little girl playing in her back yard;
Mum yells:”sweetie, it’s time for your bath…”
‘Sweetie’ yells; “Oh mom do I have to?”
Mom says “Yes dear, But I’ll tell you what, i’ll join you hows that; Would you like mommy to join you? “
‘Sweetie’ says; “Yay!”
While they’re in the tub together the child notices her mother’s breasts…
“MOMMY!” Sweetie exclaimed.”When do I get those?”
Mum; “Oh when you’re twelve or thirteen- or whenever you hit puberty..”
Sweetie says; “oh…”
(feel free to add another “verse” here at this point picking another OBVIOUS Location on the Fairer sex)
So the following week her father calls her in for her shower- buut only if he showers with her… So he Finally agrees…
While in the shower the girl notices her father’s ‘member’ and says:
“Daddy daddy!, When do I get that?”
Without missing a beat father says:
“In Twenty minutes when your Mom goes to Bingo”
So a family of a girl a boy a father, mother, and friendly labrador puppy walks into a talent agency and the father says “Excuse me sir, our family has an act we’d like to perform for you.” the talent agent replies “Alright lets see it” So the father takes off the sons pants and bends him over the father then proceeds to pull down his own pants to reveal a shriveled old penis vaguely resembling an old irish wooden shillelagh. The father then starts fucking the son in the asshole while the son screams bloody murder. Then the father starts jerking off the sons prepubescent penis. While this whole act with the father and son is happening the daughter is stretching out her vagina as much as humanly possible for a little 9 year old girl. She then jumps violently on the father (While he is still fucking the son). The father has his whole head inside the daughters vagina. He sees that there are mushrooms and fungus and puss oozing on the inside of the vaginal wall. This disgusts the father which causes him to start throwing up violently. Eventually the father is drowning in his own throw up and is near suffocation. In his last seconds his wife pulls him out. This tears the daughters vagina very vigorously. The daughters body is not basically useless from the spine down so the father starts some improvising. (Please note while this is all happening the mother, son and dog are all contributing to a gigantic bucket of seamen and piss and shit.) So back to the fathers crazy move. He tells the talent agent she’s basically retarded now and he could have sex with her dead body. The talent agent refuses but the father doesn’t want it to go to waste so he starts going at it. Then he remembers something. He pulls a dog treat out of his pocket and throws it in the daughters vagina. The dog immediately jumps in after then the father grabs the talents agents stapler and staples the daughters snatch closed. Then you here the dog start whining and eventually throwing up and dying in the vagina. By now, 2 members of the family are dead. The daughter and the dog. So then they get back to business as usual. The dad pulls out a razor blade and put at-least 5 wholes in each ass cheek of the son. He then looks like the ghost mask from charlie brown. The son is bleeding violently then the mother and the father lift up the gigantic bucket of piss shit and cum and dump it on themselves and then there son. The father then proceeds to tell the talent agent those kids were both test tube babies so we don’t care they died. Finally the father says “Thank you, that is it.” The talent agent who had by this point thrown up 20 times says disgusted, “What the fuck do you call an act like that.?” The father replies cover in shit piss cum blood and throw up and says “The Clinton Administration.”
Q: What does an Indian girl say the first time she has sex?
A: Get off me dad, you’re crushin’ my smokes!
A brother has the hots for his sister, and finally convinces her to do the nasty. After they’re done, the brother turns to his sister and says “You fuck like mom” To which the sister replies …
“Yeah, that’s what dad says”
A Russian, a Mexican, and an American are hanging out by a cliff. The Russian picks up a bottle of Vodka, takes a swig and tosses it off the cliff. The other two ask why he did that? He replies, “Because in Russia, we have so much.” Next, the Mexican picks up a bottle of Tequila, takes a swig and tosses it off the cliff. The other two ask why he did that and he replies, “Because in Mexico, we have so much.” Next the American picks up the Mexican and throws him off the cliff saying in the U.S. we have too much.
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