Some women are uncomfortable with the word negotiating. Yet every day you negotiate, even though you don’t necessarily think about it that way.
While some people have more natural ability than others, no one is born a great negotiator. Negotiating is a skill that has to be learned. Many women who think they aren’t good negotiators simply have never been taught how.
Correcting Missteps
Even powerful and successful women have made negotiating mistakes. Four of these missteps, which follow, are relatively easy to correct once you realize that you’re making them.
Mistake No. 1. Adopting a negotiating style that doesn’t reflect who you are.
Solution: Be yourself, but be the best self you can be
Women often think that a good negotiator is tough, screams, knows all the tricks and can outsmart her opponent.
You must employ a negotiating style with which you’re comfortable. How you negotiate needs to reflect who you are. People see through you if you try to be something you aren’t.
If you’re soft-spoken, you can be a soft-spoken negotiator and still take strong positions. You can disagree politely. You can provide reasons for seeing things differently. You can offer alternatives, but you must be able to disagree rather than give in to something that’s contrary to your interests. However, you can be flexible in how you satisfy those interests.
Mistake No. 2. Not seeing a situation as an opportunity to negotiate.
Solution: Ask — almost everything is negotiable if you see it that way
Many women don’t recognize that opportunities to negotiate exist in almost every interaction. They look at situations in terms of decisions that have to be made, rather than opportunities to negotiate.
If you assume everything is negotiable, you’ll find that it’s true. Ordinarily, a situation doesn’t preclude you from negotiating. Instead, it dictates how you need to go about trying to get what you want. Successful women recognize that almost everything is negotiable, although you don’t want to negotiate everything. You decide what’s worth negotiating.
One of the strengths women bring to negotiating is their ability to develop relationships. Used properly, relationships can facilitate effective negotiating. It’s always harder for someone to say no if they know and like you. By the same token, women sometimes don’t ask for things they want, out of fear of damaging the relationship. This fear can hold women back and keep them from getting what they would like.
Remember, you can’t get something if you don’t ask for it.
Mistake No. 3: Not being willing to say no
Solution: Don’t be afraid to use the “no” word.
Women often have difficulty saying no, particularly when they’re dealing with someone they care about. Because women place a high value on relationships, they’re more hesitant about saying no. They want to keep everyone happy.
No is the most powerful word in negotiating. Sometimes it’s necessary to say no before you can get to yes. Successful negotiators have learned when and how to say no.
You don’t have to say no loudly or aggressively. If, however, an offer is less than you think it should be, you need to point that out politely but firmly. If the other party can’t — or won’t — improve the offer, you need to be willing to walk away. If you have prepared properly for the negotiations, you’ll know the other options you have in case this discussion doesn’t work out the way you had envisioned.
Knowing your bottom line and being willing to say no to something that doesn’t meet your needs often results in the other party finding a way to satisfy your needs, as long as you’re flexible and willing to work with them.
Saying no isn’t personal. It’s simply a way to exchange information. Looked at that way, saying no becomes a lot easier as does accepting it as a response from someone with whom you’re negotiating.
Mistake No. 4: Not negotiating well when it’s for yourself.
Solution: Negotiate for yourself as if you were negotiating for someone else.
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